On the internet, I don’t know whether to call it a squash or a pumpkin. IRL, in IRL, the round ones are pumpkins, whether black-green or bright orange, or whatever. Anyway, I couldn’t choose between two particularly endearing examples. Option one was tangerine and perfect, while option two was inky-dark and warty. BOTH. I HAD TO HAVE BOTH. I cut off their heads and pulled out their innards and stuffed them up. The green one was pretty delightful, warts and all. The flesh was almost creamy, sort of melting, with the skin pulling away easily. The orange one was drier. It benefitted from a sort of obnoxious, luxurious stuffing: Smoked salmon, artichoke hearts, shiitake mushrooms, parmesan, rosemary, diced onion, spinach, little cubes of Tartine Bakery’s hazelnut, walnut & fig bread and a drizzle of camelina oil. So, here, will we all spend Autumn rounding up gangs of our favourite foods, gently frying them, and tumbling them into ugly pumpkins? Then we just slip them into the oven for an hour, leaving plenty of time to light the perfect fire and prepare a round of hot whiskeys. Although, second time round, I chose to lean against the kitchen counter, watch YouTube, gulp cold tea and eat pumpkin chunks with my hands.